Beliefs and Dreams

photo credit: headersfortwitter.com

I have endless lists out there in cyber space and in the myriad journals that I’ve kept throughout the years.  There are to-do lists, wish lists, goal lists, and contrasting diagrams about what I want my life to look like and what it currently looks like spanning the last decade.  It’s all quite interesting really in a sort of self absorbed kind of way.  So, I’ll spare you sharing all of them.

But, I’ve been thinking that I’d like a solid place where I can keep a list of things that I stand for, as well as a place for the things that I am “holding space” for.  A place where I can see it, update it, change it, etc.  A more solid place than some random page in my journal that I can never find.

Well, luckily I have a blog.  Lol.  So this post is going to be far less inspirational, informative or instructive and instead super intimate.  As of today, this is a pretty good representation of what I believe in and personally stand for as well as what I’m seeking in my ideal life, as of July 18th, 2012 at 5:40:39pm.

Beliefs:

I believe in the power of art to change the world.  I believe in telling stories and entertaining to bring joy, laughter, thought, and reflection to an audience.  I believe in making work with quality.  I believe in traveling and sharing things across beliefs, cultures and languages.  I believe in creating dialogues to solve world problems.  I believe in being a light in times of darkness.  I believe in laughing at myself, and our beautiful humanity.  I believe in falling down and getting back up.  I believe in telling it how I see it.  I believe in empowering people, especially children, our future, and those that have lost their sense of power and place in this world.  I have a passion that I believe has a purpose.  I believe that my talents and perspectives give me a voice to share things that matter with the world.

I am the possibility of light and love in all situations.

I am the possibility of the impossible becoming possible.

I am a story-teller.

Dreams:

I want to have the renown and financial success necessary to be able to live and create my art freely with the support, coaching, training, practicing, cultivating, brainstorming, and living that that requires.

I want friendships, romance, partnership, working relationships, love, and positive inspiration around me at all times that will support me and guide me when I feel less that brilliant, positive, or faithful myself.

I want to find that well of energy that fuels a life of creation and joy.

photo credit: fantom-xp.com

 

To be continued…

Read Full Post »

Challenge Check Back

I know you’re all clamoring to know how my challenge from last week went. So, here’s the quick recap. How are your challenges and resolutions going? Tell me in the comments!!

Bad Habit 1: Snapping at my boyfriend.

Not surprisingly, a few days of complementing and appreciating the man not only resulted in me actually appreciating him and feeling less irritated, but also seems to have resulted in an increase in sweetness back from him. I love when he cooks for me!! ;)

Bad Habit 2: Drinking (wine or otherwise) to relax at night.

When I can remember, deep stretching really is far more relaxing and likely to help me fall asleep happy. Especially since tequila and gin are really a bit more stimulating than relaxing in the first place. I still love wine, but not for every night. Luckily, a band of fellow trapeze teachers have adopted me into their all day working out clan, so I’m pretty guaranteed to have at least three nights a week enforcing my new habit.  Who says life doesn’t give you what you ask for?

http://www.lovingmycats.com

Bad Habit 3: Not answering the phone.

Okay, so luckily, I can ease into this one because I’ve been so bad at answering the phone for so long that not that many people call me. They know text is best. Still, I did get to hear the news that my girl from high school is pregnant in her own voice, instead of on Facebook. Pretty awesome! But I cheated on this one too. I still say “no” to talking to bill collectors. I’ll call them back once I have a job and a plan.

http://www.cats.about.com

Bad Habit 4: Judging people on first impressions.

Alright, I’m working on this one. I really didn’t realize how competitive and manipulative NYC was until dealing with people here. Those are traits I associate with Hollywoodian LA’ers. New Yorkers are more real, right? But, the thing that’s refreshing and confusing about TX so far is that people may generally like me without ulterior motives and that I am more of a pretentious networker than I ever imagined. Go figure.

http://www.hipsterkitty.com

Bad Habit 5: Don’t spend money on/acquire excess junk.

Since I’m officially dead broke and waiting for an only potential job to start in two weeks, this has been pretty easy. Can’t spend money that you don’t have unless you have a credit card, which I do not. But, I also have not had a chance to get to my storage unit and throw things out yet either. Soon…

So, there’s the check in. Overall, a quite successful challenge!

This week I’m saying “yes” to shameless self promotion in the hopes of landing some great trapeze gigs (and money) asap.

http://www.havenhumane.net

Read Full Post »

Fighting Words

I would like to learn to fight in a couple of different senses.

1. I’d love to be able to be a person that wins the argument or the altercation with whomever is picking a fight with me just by knowing how to be the right combination of patient, cryptic, sassy or just plain non-engaging. This is probably one of those never perfect kind of goals though.

2. I’d like to know how in theory to kick butt MMA style. However, I am so not interested in the beatings that actually being an MMA fighter may involve. I’d also love to do this in some kind of movie, performance, etc.

3. I’d like to learn how to knife fight. Not because I ever want to get into a knife fight, I’ve seen the gory pictures. But because in a life or death scenario, I think that would be my weapon of choice (seems less immediately deadly when defending yourself) and I’d like to know how to do it well and with control.  Like I said, just in case I ever need to.

Me, Drunken, Viking Warrior

 

Cat, Fist Warrior: http://www.graphicshunt.com

 

Cats, Martial Warriors: http://www.graphicshunt.com

Read Full Post »

Is Balance Bullsh*t?

So much of my life as a creative individual has been spent seeking one form of balance or another.  I’ve skated between extremes of productivity and laziness, observing and doing, listening and shouting, playing with others and retreating to solitude, partying hard and healing my body, and the ever relevant creating or stagnating.  Always seeking that elusive thing called balance.

I’m toying with a new belief here.  It is:

“Balance doesn’t exist unless you’re doing Acrobatics.”

Because let’s be honest, is it actually something you can attain in the realm of emotions, internal drives, external factors, the path of goal-seeking, etc.?  I’m starting to think that it isn’t.  And even more to the point, that the time spent riding the Ferris Wheel of Life up or down is good no matter which way you’re going.  Because its a different point of view.

You may have just noticed that I used Ferris Wheel instead of Roller Coaster in my analogy.  Because those periods of stagnation and those periods of creativity seem to be longer and more sustained than the abrupt rises and falls of the usual metaphor.  And Ferris Wheels are fun on the way up and the way down!

This week I am going to try on this idea that Balance is a myth and see where it takes me.  At the very least, the guilt in not being able to achieve it will be alleviated.  I strongly believe that if an idea doesn’t serve you, you shouldn’t use it.  And feeling guilty for being who you are definitely falls into that category.

What do you think?  Have you ever really achieved sustainable balance in anything?

telegraph.co.uk

Read Full Post »

I Hate My Ego.

Help!  My Ego is swallowing my Id and my Super-Ego seems to be gone fishing!

Okay, so I promised myself that I’d post in the happiness blog everyday, work on my different shops, status posts, promotion, website, etc a little bit each day.  This has been great for solidifying my ‘brand’ as my BF calls it.  It has challenged me to just sit down and write each day and I’ve learned so much about Twitter, Facebook, Social Networking, SEO, Online Sales, YouTube promotional practices and Copyrights, Etc, Etc.  Seriously, I feel like I took a self taught online marketing class last week.  And I’ve made new friends in the blogging and online world.  That’s the good part.

The drawback?  Thinking about myself is starting to make me feel actually sick.  Self-promotion is the name of my business, yes…all of my businesses actually.  But I feel like all the searching through photos and videos, posts, and inner reflections about yours truly is like an addiction.  Ego stroking has become being Ego’s bitch.  And my Id is seriously pissed off (sorry for the swearing mom, please keep reading my blog!).  And even the parts of my businesses that I’ve tried to really focus around helping others or leaving a good mark in the world feel self-serving.  Even chanting doesn’t help. Or doing good works.

Is this just a part of my chosen professions?  Is part of being a successful artist/creator/inventor/writer having to be uncomfortably self-promoting everyday?  It may be true…at least until you can afford to pay someone to do it all for you.  And I’m aware that the discomfort may be some part of my unconsciousness trying to get me to give up or back off on my daily forward progress goals, so I’m not gonna just quit.  But I’d truly appreciate any advice back from all of you more successful bloggers and self-promoters about how to deal with this part of the whole social networking industry.

http://cuteoverload.com/2010/10/29/always-mugging-for-the-camera/

Read Full Post »