reBuTTal

I’m not sure what exactly spurred the onslaught of interest in Kim Kardashian’s rear end about a month ago.

I can hardly think its the first time her assets had been on display, or earned her her share of the celebrity tokens available each week, month, year to anyone willing to participate in the scheme of pop culture.

So, what’s the big deal this time?  Is it that her photo-shopped ass is in the buff? Or is it the blatant photo-shopping of the champagne glass balance that supposedly represented her talent?  While personally, I think she could have balanced that champagne glass if she’d wanted to, I’m sure it was much easier on the photographers to just edit it in later.   I admit, I don’t really see what all the fuss is about.  Sure, society has made a celebrity out of a woman, almost solely on the fact that she has a beautiful ass, and a talent for obnoxious social media selfism and conformist couture.   Did it really take this editorial for everyone to realize it?

More than that, is roasting Kim Kardashian on the flames of public scorn really fair?  After all, we have created our celebrity gods and monsters.  They wouldn’t be here without our scrutiny.  We expect and hope that they are as sexy as possible in order to sell their celebrity, but when that is all that they prove able to do, or all we are willing to see of them, we are happy to throw them under the bus for giving us exactly what we asked for. As everyone from BuzzFeed to Russell Brand has already addressed.

Not to exempt myself from the blame, I’m not a Kim Kardashian, or any real pop culture figure “fan girl,” however that hardly leaves me guiltless.  I am a performance artist.  As such, I recognize a certain amount of self-publication, self-promotion, and self-obsession that exists in the attempt to take me from small time to sell-able as an artist.  It is the effort that I choose to extend as my way of making a difference in the world.  I’m not a protestor, a guerrilla, or an extremist.  I wish that people would truly try to understand each other.  I wish that people wouldn’t play the victim or the prosecution.  Much of my art is about inspiring people to talk to each other.  Whether that is through shock, the abstract, or spectacle, is just the means.  I want people to try to understand each other.  And I want people to believe that they can accomplish the impossible (which in our world, may very well be, simply having a meaningful and unselfish conversation with someone unlike ourselves).

Kim Kardashian’s ass seems to have accomplished this on a far larger scale.  I wonder, if I could balance a champagne glass on my own not so shabby assets, would I also achieve my artistic goals?  Would my voice as an artist, my opinions on fashion and the number of my Twitter followers suddenly skyrocket to Kardashian proportions?  Well, let’s find out.  Of course, as an aerialist, physical theater performer, and semi-acrobat (emphasis on semi), I had to do it my own way.  I enlisted the help of Austin’s Crash Alchemy, and tried to recreate the shoot by actually balancing people on my ass while they held a champagne glass.  If you think arching your back for a photo shoot is hard (and it is!), try also balancing people doing their own acrobatics for about 4 hours.

Click here to see more photos!

And, what did I find?  Besides that photo-shopping champagne is really, really hard?!?  Well, I’m not sure any of us trying to express ourselves as artists are immune to the call of the public.  We can twist it, try to protest it, criticize it.  But at the end of the day, we are looking for people to listen to our message as much as any other performance artist.  Perhaps, we can be humble, and try to reflect on a purer purpose for our message.  And perhaps, the public can attempt to hunger for knowledge rather than celebrity porn, even if it does make my kinds’ paychecks lighter.  What do you think?

The rest of the photos are coming soon guys, because, yeah, photo-shopping champagne is really, really hard!

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I Want to be A BAD ASS!

This is an unabashed declaration of what I want.  Thanks to Crash Alchemy for encouraging me to write down all of the things that I’ve been processing since the beginning of the summer, and to the Full Moon Circle of very special women a week ago for the mantra that seems to be exploding through old thought patterns and expanding my world and my ideas of my own worth, and how to think about what I am creating.

I want to be A BAD ASS.

I want to be the aerialist that I was at my peak of training (and then even better than that).  I want to learn all things fire.  I want to have fire rehearsal time.  I want to have dance rehearsal time.  I want my center splits and a bendier back.  I don’t just want to train everyone else to do aerial and not get pushed in other skills in return.  I do want to work more with others on physical theater drills, and build some consistent practice around that (as much for me as for everyone else!).  I want an aerial/dance/acrobatics/fire partner who will show up and work with me consistently.  I want to be able to lift people and do crazy things.  I want to surprise myself and learn some tumbling.  I want to master my hand stands.  I want to learn break dancing and tap dancing, and flamenco and belly dancing (I’ve already been taking the belly dancing, at home with videos, because it’s what I have access to).  I whole heartedly LOVE to teach others aerials and physical theater, but also want to be able to train myself, and continue to be pushed and trained in return.

I love showcasing the things that I’m awesome at.  I love getting to do characters and aerials, because its my jam, and I know I’m good at it, and I feel that I’m being utilized for my skills, and actualized and all of that jazz.  But I also like when I’m pushed to be better at what I’m not good at too, because I won’t do it on my own.  I want both.  I want it all.  I want to be a part of a group that cares about each other, and works hard, but also are professional bad asses.  I want to succeed.  I plan on ‘making it’ as an artist, and want to be around others who do too.  I want to be around others who aren’t just having fun in their downtime, but serious about success.  And I also want to be around others who have fun, even while they work hard.  I want to be famous.  I want to leave my mark on the world as a performance artist and writer.  I want to be treated with respect at all times, and to be trusted to be an individual artist as well as a collective artist.  I want to be trusted that what I do as an individual or with one group strengthens what I bring to back to my relationships with another group or individual.  My creative power is mine to bring and share, and is not something that someone can own, or possess.  It is something they can use, share, challenge, grow, and work with.

I want artists to stop being jealous, catty, competitive and secretive.  I want artists to see that we are not living in scarcity.  I want my transformation from thinking of myself as a starving artist to thinking of myself as a creator of abundance to seep into our communities.  Our very creativity is limited if we think of ourselves as living in a place of scarcity.  There are enough ideas out there.  There are enough students to learn from us, and teachers to teach us.  There is enough work, are enough gigs, is enough money, for us all.  We can only benefit from pushing each other to be the best we can be.

I want to be full of love and light and joy.  I want to enjoy my life, and to take time for the people who I care about.  I want the abundance in my life that will allow for that.  I want to remember what is important, to keep my ground on things that matter to my values and my quality of life.  I want to keep taking steps towards being a better person to myself.  I want to keep finding the discipline and desire to let the best parts of myself shine, and to not let the worst parts of myself rule my life and actions.  I want to remember to love myself and to be surrounded with people who also value me, and whom I value.  I want to learn better how to say the hard to say negative things that I may need to say in order to assert my boundaries in a way that is loving, but doesn’t compromise how I feel about what I need, can give, or want in order to make someone else feel better.  I want to have said that last sentence better, more concisely, but also want to just leave it there and let it be, as it flowed through my mind.

And I still want to be a sarcastic, smart ass.  A hopeful skeptic.  And a clown, always a clown, willing to laugh at myself and the world.

I want to dance in the joy of success for a while, before the next bout of growth and challenge, or even through the next bout of growth and challenge.  I want to give myself that time and permission, while continuing my journey and success.  I want to love and be loved with depth, for who we truly are, un-apologetically, not with caveats and requests that we be someone different, or perfect, or with expectation that we will replace or fix what is missing in each other’s lives.  I want to love and be loved with acceptance and forgiveness for our mistakes, and gentle enhancing of strengths and strengthening of weaknesses.  I want to be surrounded with others who want to be better in all areas of their lives.  I want to be surrounded with people who have fun and are positive, and who find working and growing fun and positive experiences.

I want to be wealthy.  I want a wealth of love, of money, of creativity, of strength, of desire, of drive, of questions to keep asking the world.  I want to keep being filled with wonder and hope for the world, without naiveté, but with wonder and hope despite all of the wisdom and knowledge that can be gained.  I want to be valued, and to know my own worth.

And I already am and have all of these things.  I am creating them, right now, in each moment with each of you.

Thank you.  If you made it this far, thank you for being a part of this creation.  Here is your cat picture.

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Cross Training for Artists?

Okay, I don’t have writer’s block, exactly.  My writing seems to be flowing alright at the moment.  But, I do have aerial choreography block, which I think is a result of too much career work on my career, and too little studio work, but I digress.  I was searching for some inspiration and somehow in the rabbit hole of the internet, I ended up in a Google Search for Cross Training.  You probably know that Cross Training typically refers to an athlete’s regime of training themselves in other sports or activities during their off-season, or to become more well rounded athletes during their on season.  It has also become popular as an overall fitness strategy for regular folk to get buff and form community around health and fitness, most popularly with programs like CrossFit.  I was searching for cross inspiration, for artists that can get too focused, too passionate, or too single minded on one art form and might actually benefit from an off season.  I was surprised that the infinite Web-o-sphere came up with zilch.  Or if it did come up with something, it was so many pages down on my search results to be considered non-existent.

Maybe it’s because the nature of my performance work is like both an art and a sport combined, but I was surprised.  But perhaps I shouldn’t have been.  In artistic disciplines, focus and obsession are almost revered.  We imagine Michelangelo under his Sistine ceiling.  But, from my own experience, I know that while focus and obsession can offer substantial gains in training and creation, it can also leave you burnt out, stagnant, and uninspired.  Think of it this way, someone taking up quilting as a hobby, will probably continue to make quilts on a casual basis as long as it is fun and feels relaxing or inspiring.  On the other hand, the quilter who suddenly goes viral on Etsy, may very well be sick of quilting before all of the orders are fulfilled, leaving him/her with the danger of having a regular old job like anyone else.  At best, they are happy enough to be working for themselves, with a general apathy to the creative side.  Worst case, they actually start to despise quilting.

Of course, this doesn’t happen to everyone.  There are creatives out there who are perfectly happy to be locked up in a room with their art for all eternity.  But, it seems to me, most of us need our senses shaken and our skills sharpened every once in awhile.  It has me wondering if I should start my own Creative CrossFit gym, er studio.   In the meantime, I offer a gentle reminder to all active creatives and aspiring creatives, to get out there and take a class in something new, learn a new skill from YouTube, or read/watch something you wouldn’t normally.  If nothing else, you’ll have learned at least one thing: whether you like or dislike these fascinating new things you’re trying.  But, I bet you’ll discover more.

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Hey guys, time to shout out your favorite peeps in the blogosphere!

Creative Dreamers

As the blogger behind Creative Dreamers, I only think it is right to acknowledge and showcase some of the best blogs out there. So, based on the opinions of CD readers, and the wonderful work of others out there contributing to the ever growing blogisphere, I’m announcing the first ever Creative Dreamers Blog Awards.

Here’s how it’s all going to come together

Blog Awards will be given based on the categories below:

Favorite Photography Blog

Favorite Poetry Blog

Favorite Visual Design or Layout on a Blog

Favorite General Arts Blog

Favorite Drawing Blog

Favorite Subculure and Body Art Blog

Favorite Music or Video Blog

The categories should probably be pretty self explanatory but if you’re not sure where a blog might fit in, just ask.

Readers can nominate any blog of their choice by:

1. Liking this post.

2. Sending the URL of your nomination, along with the category you…

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New Year’s Resolutions

My resolution is not to mess up my performance with Moby on my last night in New York City.  New Year’s Eve.  Eek!

What’s yours?

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Now this is what I am talking about!

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Grief is a Funny Thing

For Jonathan.

Grief is a Funny Thing.
Not one select feeling or thought,
But waves of misplaced sensations.

Now, deep sadness.
Now, tears, seemingly with no reason.
Now anger at a misplaced object, rather than admit that I think you selfish.

How can I?
Of all the people, I have been there and stayed my hand.
And, there is gratitude, that for now I’ve found a way to lighten the crushing burden of each breath.

There is joy even, and laughter, and sex.
All the possible declarations to the Reaper that I am still here, at least for a few precious minutes more.

Now questions.
Morbid, practical, curious questions. Like how?
Who would want to know how?
But I do.
It somehow matters.

Of course, there’s why?
And then, there is a deep desire to be in your head for those last moments.
To understand.

Or maybe, just to know, that it was indeed too much, and that you are at peace.

There is guilt, of course.
There is always guilt.
The feeling that you should have called me.
That I could have helped.
The frustration that I probably couldn’t have.
The guilt that we’d drifted too far apart.
In grief I always realize, and always think, how funny that that distance, those spaces, in time or place, never make it hurt less, but maybe more.
How do I have such a backward instinct?
To protect myself uselessly from the pain of loss?

And then, there’s the fact that I’m an expert at grief.
I regularly experienced the death of loved ones all throughout my formative years.
I know how to go through the process…

But this time,
I don’t want to.
I’m tired of grief and pain.
I’m finally in a good part of my life, and fuck that I have to lose you now.
That I have to hurt now.
That we all have to hurt now.
I want to be done with tears.
I deserve a respite from tears, at least for a year or two.

But it is not how life works.
Screw that.
We all lose. We grieve.
So, for my part, I’d like to raise a glass (alcoholic or otherwise), to all of the friends and family that we’ve lost.
To Jonathan.
I hope to see you again, in some shape, or form, or other life.

You are loved.

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Curious Humans

There’s a spider hanging outside my window. It is windy and rainy and it is just holding on to its thread, being buffeted by the wind.

It reminded me that there are ‘inside’ and ‘outside’ spiders. And there are spiders that live on the outsides of skyscrapers.

For generations, these skyscraper spiders have probably never come down to the Earth.
Pigeons have probably never been underwater.
Fish never really fly.

It seems to me that human beings are uniquely capable of both wanting and figuring out how to explore all the various realms of this existence.

Except for this cat of course…there’s video here.

Image Credit: Original from How Stuff Works, Captioned by: Dennislambing.com

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Time For A Bit More Sass

If you like what you read here, but would like a little more of the day to day adventures (fire trapeze, circus, life in NYC) and a lot more sass, please take a moment to check me out on Ology and follow me.  I need 50 followers by Monday to be considered for one of their paid writing gigs. 

Oh, and did I mention that there would be sass?

http://www.ology.com/ology/1877/the-9-lives-of-erinina

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